Overwhelming Life

A year ago today I sat in a hospital waiting area. Wishing beyond everything this was not happening. I prayed, lost as I was. It was such a daunting diagnosis my mom received. Not just breast cancer but renal cancer as well.

I could step away, take a breath, she could not. Mom fought on. It has been an overwhelming year. I’ve never thought of myself as a caregiver but in my quiet moments alone with introspection, I most certainly am and though I am not perfect. I love perfectly in my care giving.
Mom’s oncologist gave her a “cancer free” label last week. Life is most certainly a journey. These are my words as I sat, waiting, a year ago.

“Earrings from my Seestor, ring from Aunt Dorothy, necklace from Michelle in honor of Grams, yeah I’ve got the women I love surrounding me.”

Congratulations mom! Here’s to many more anniversaries!

Rainy Days

It is raining here.  It is a gentle, steady rain.  One that makes you want to curl up under the blankets and read for a while.  It is not the stormy violent rain. It is not the foggy, drizzly rain.  It is gentle, cleansing, even refreshing.  I do not pretend to predict the weather but I am sure I enjoy the varied and numerous events.  Travel is like the weather.  It can be foggy and drizzly, not sure where you are going or even trapped in an seemingly endless guided tour, where all you truly want is to see what the people across the way are engaged in.  It can be intense, almost violent, unending lines at airports, military occupied regions,….shopping malls.  Hopefully most of your travels, like mine, are the kind that make you feel warm and cozy, on the inside.  Whether you are skydiving over Australia or swinging in a hammock on a lonely stretch of beach somewhere, make sure you are getting the most soulful and completing experience wherever you are.  

Wonderful nature

I heard the rapping of hail stones shortly after they started this morning. It was quiet and dark in the warmth of my home. The light outside had just started to lighten to an eerie gray, where the light is not full but it transcends the dark. I could see the small yellow leaves falling as the rain and hail pounded their fragile stems loose from the branches. I chose not to continue working but to grab my camera and see where this storm would take me from the vantage point of my covered front porch. I noticed three things as I sat watching hail stone after hail stone roll and bounce. One, aside from the rush of the rain all I could hear were the small ice spheres hitting the roof, street, my car and the sidewalk. Two, my roofs pitch made a perfect launching ramp for those hail stones to hit my little car. Lastly, as I sat, I noticed how calm I felt enjoying another show from nature. I am glad I took the few minutes to look and listen. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes to recenter and enjoy the calm.